


Freedom, Thy Name Is Confusing

by Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart



Series: The Lyric Challenge [8]
Category: Iron Fist (Comic), Iron Fist (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), Luke Cage (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Claire Temple is So Done, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jess and Danny are equally fuked up, Kun Lun was not great on Danny, Post Jessica Jones Season 2, What else is new?, so Matt is currently 'dead', they need help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 08:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart/pseuds/Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart
Summary: There are scars all over Danny's back that he gives as much regard as a scraped knee."It was the monks, part of my training at Kun Lun."The kitchen bar bend under Jessica's hands."That's abuse Danny. You have to know that."It all escalates quickly enough. Claire is not impressed.





	Freedom, Thy Name Is Confusing

You put me together

Then trashed me for pleasure

You used me again and again

Abused me, confused me

Suddenly naked I run through your garden

Right through the gates of the past and I'm finally free

"Livin' In A World Without You" By The Rasmus

Freedom, Thy Name Is Confusing

"Shit!" Jessica swears.

It's a heavy rain that catches them unaware. They run through the streets, the wet asphalt splashing under their shoes as they escape the rumble of the sky. The people skitter away from the deluge, rushing through nearby doorways in search of shelter, and soon Harlem looks all but deserted.

"We can make it to my house, come on." Luke tells them as Jess and Danny follow his unmistakable bulk.

They let out a sigh of relief a few blocks later when they reach the little roof at the entrance of Luke's apartment building. Danny laughs softly and combs his messy curls out of his face with a hand.

"You're such a child." Jessica grunts amused as she squeezes the water out of her own hair.

Luke huffs a laugh of his own as he opens the front door.

They climb up the stairs, chattering until they reach his home. When Luke pushes in the door Danny wastes no time in peaking his head in.

"Claire?" The blond asks hopeful.

"She's still at the hospital." His friend tells him with a chuckle when he sees Danny pout.

"Move." The PI demands as she pushes her way in to get out of the hallway.

They're all drenched but she's the most displeased, her perpetual frown deepening with annoyance.

"Let me get you guys some towels and dry clothes." Luke tells them.

"Just a towel for me." Jessica tells him, her leather jacket having saved her from the worst of it, unlike the other two whose clothes are all soggy.

Luke returns and hands them two fluffy towels. "Give me your clothes I'll put them in the dryer."

Danny nods and slips off his hoody, then his shirt revealing his winged dragon tattoo.

"Are we getting a free sample of Danny "Fist Me" Rand's own striptease brand?" Jessica grins mockingly.

"Eww." Danny laughs at the comment as he hands Luke his clothes and dries his curls with the towel. "If you tip me well enough you can get the waist down sample too." He tells her.

Luke laughs until the blond turns around and the sound dies on his throat. Jessica's smile falls from her face and a frown graces her brow.

"What happened to your back?" The PI asks immediately and Luke gives her a light slap on the shoulder for her lose tongue. Jess ignores him.

Danny looks at his back confused, but instantly a look of recognition crosses his face.

"Oh, that. It was part of my training on K'un Lun." He says if off handedly and without giving it too much importance.

There are scars on his back, long and thick, they run all the way from the top of his back to the very bottom, some even further down. There are many, too many, they look old and faint but harsh all the same.

"Sweet Christmas." Luke mumbles under his breath "They look like they hurt. What caused them?" He asks because they're already talking about it so they might as well keep going.

"Staffs." Danny says "When I was little the monks used to hit my back with them for the length of days."

He's not looking at them when he says this, distracted by the rain falling outside, but he tells them anyways because it's normal. It's his life, and it's so rare for them to ask about it that he's just happy that they are curious.

"You have to know pain, Daniel Rand'Kai." He quotes, his breath fogging slightly against the glass.

"That's bull-!" Jessica starts to shout out her disbelief, but Luke covers her mouth and gives her a warning look. Danny turns to them, startled by the sound, and finds Jess shoving the other aside and burning him with a hateful glare.

The PI gives the men her back and waits for Luke, not knowing what he's planning but her face will give her away. There's a deep anger settling in her breast, she takes in a shaky breath and leans on the kitchen bar, she can handle it.

"Wow, that's'… something Danny. Umm… what else did you do for your training? Was there some sort of… philosophy to being an Iron Fist?"

And Luke hurts inside because Danny smiles so brightly at him; because he's interested, because he's asking, and the blond doesn't realize what exactly it is that he's telling them.

"There  _is_  a philosophy to it. It's a lot, but there's this one bit that captures the focus of it."

"I'll… make some coffee. You can tell us all about it, yeah?" Luke says and he has to look away when Danny smiles at him again. Sweetly, like a kid.

Jessica's shoulders are tense, but she's listening. Luke busies himself as Danny puts on the shirt he got for him; it's a huge fit and the blond is almost drowning on the yellow fabric. He joins them in the kitchen and Jess makes a bit of her hair fall on the side of her face, hiding her expression from Danny.

"I am the blade that cuts both ways." He recites, "I am the masochist and the narcissist."

Luke puts the water on as he listens attentively. One of Jess' nails is scratching the bar.

"Rigid and fluid. Corrupt and pure. I am a white hot clenched fist of iron… and rage." He closes his eyes as he says it, like a prayer "I am a Living Weapon."

A sudden crunch of metal distracts them from his words as both men turn to Jessica.

"Shit, sorry." She says. When she takes her hands from the bar, there are two prints of where she kept hold of the metal.

"Claire's not gonna like that." Luke deadpans and the tension of the room breaks somewhat.

"Sorry." Jessica sighs and then looks Danny dead in the eye.

The intensity of her gaze makes him wonder what he did wrong now to deserve her anger but he can't really tell.

"You know it's wrong, right?" She asks, deeply disturbed by the devoted way he said his words.

"What?" There's a confused note to his voice at her statement.

"What they did to you, those people in 'Magic City'." She's angry, very angry, but her anger no longer gets the best of her these days, she's been through too much to know when it's better to push it down. It's still there though -the anger- cold and contained.

"You know what that's called, Danny? Abuse." She takes a small step forward.

"Jess-" Luke tries to stop her; this might not be the right way to approach the subject.

"No!" She shouts and looks at him outraged "You know it's wrong, right Danny?"

The blonde looks at her, confused, a bit like a dear in the headlights. And dear God, the only think Jess wants is to  _hear_  that  _he knows_.

"I… They did it to make me strong, build me up from scratch. They did what they had to." He tells her with conviction.

"That's bullshit!" She slams her hand on the counter but this time it stays mostly intact.

There's a picture in her mind, her mother defending her abuser whom she  _loves_ ; her words horrify her as she listens because it's  _so wrong_.

"It's not!" Danny looks angry now "To be an Iron Fist it's an great honor to withstand, we must embrace pain beca-."

"Pain?! You were a kid!" Jessica shouts "Nothing is ever going to excuse that!"

"You don't understand. It was my choice!" He yells back.

"Guys, calm down-." Luke tries, but again, the PI won't let him have a say.

"No, Luke!" She looks at Danny, furious and fuming "So getting beat up was your choice? What were you nine?"

"I was ten, I-" Jess interrupts him too.

"Oh! Because being ten is so much better, is it? I bet you bled, I bet you bled a lot and you cried, alone and scared." She punctures every word like they are individual hits, they are vicious and merciless, just like her. "And no one took the time to comfort you, they left you to your pain, because it was for your own good, to 'build you up' right?."

"You don't understand." The anger is leaving his face, as is the power in his words, and suddenly Danny sounds small.

"You cried and wished your parents were there, but that was wrong too, right? I bet weapons don't cry, because they're  _things_ , not people. Is that what you wanted to be?  _A thing?_ " Jess keeps going.

Danny takes a small step back.

"Jessica, leave it." Luke tells her, getting angry himself. The blonde looks close to running away and it's so  _not_  the way they should be doing this.

Luke tries grabbing her arm, but she shakes him off yet again.

"What else did they do to you? Hm? Did they tell you it was for the greater good? Some save the world crap like that? Did they tell you it was normal? That everyone else had to go through it? Did they touch you too? Tell you it was part of the 'Living Weapon' training?"

"No!" Danny shouts and backs away from her, but she walks forward too. "They didn't assault me, they-"

"Doesn't matter, its abuse all the same. They're abusive Danny."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He tries again, hunching his shoulders into himself.

"I know damn fucking well what I'm talking about!" She advances again, but Luke grabs her by the jacket.

"Jessica, drop it." Luke demands, but it does nothing at all.

"They're abusive. They  _abused_  you and you  _let_  them-"

It's then the blond pushes her away from him. Jessica trips on her feet and falls to the ground as Danny rushes to the door and runs out.

"Danny!" Luke runs after him, down the stairs and through the hallways, but when he opens the front door to the building the blonde is long gone under the downpour of the rain.

He sighs.

Freedom, Thy Name Is Confusing

Jessica is sitting on the floor, her hands tangled in her hair as she controls her breathing. When Luke walks in she looks up.

"He's gone, couldn't catch him." He leans on the door and sighs.

"Shit. Sorry, I…  _Fuck_!" She rubs her face with frustration.

"You of all people should've known not to get on his case like that, Jess."

"I know! Jesus, I know." She bangs the back of her head against the wall. There's a slight sound of cracking. "Shit… Sorry." She looks down at her boot-clad feet, sick of apologizing, sick of breaking things without meaning to.

Luke walks to her and sits by her side. He says nothing as he rests his head on the wall.

Freedom, Thy Name Is Confusing

"So let me get this straight, see if I've got it right." Claire says as she rubs her hand over her face, her other arm resting on her hip. "You might have, inadvertently and accidently, caused Danny to have an emotional break down? Is- s'that right?"

Jessica looks down, avoiding Claire's tried demeanor.

"Yeah." They both say after a few moments.

"Amazing," the nurse says dryly. Not five minutes home and things are well on their way to being a little disaster.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out with resolution.

"I need to call Colleen, maybe she can find him, or at least be in the know if Danny's still upset when he gets home." She dials and waits.

When Colleen picks up Claire tells her what happened, she calms her down, assures her that it's not too serious and that they'll be on the lookout too.

Luke walks to her and thinks for a moment before saying, "Did you know about it?"

Claire crosses her arms and looks him dead in the eye.

"Yes I did. And so did Colleen." She says seriously.

Jessica looks up from where she is sitting on one of the two couches. Claire walks to the PI and sits on the other couch as Luke follows her example.

"We knew and we were doing something about it, the  _right way_." She gives them the eye, lingering a few seconds longer on Jess. "We were helping him realize that the way he grew up… it wasn't healthy or fair. And he's been  _learning_ \- guys." She sighs frustrated "Danny's getting there, he's trying  _really hard_. He's getting there at his own pace… But rubbing salt on the wound is not going to do him any good."

Jessica murmurs a few more curses under hear breath and Luke rubs at his face.

"I'm gonna go look for him." Jess says abruptly and stands up.

"Maybe we should give him some time?" Luke turns on the armchair a she opens the apartment door.

"I'm  _going_." She repeats but just before leaving she turns "Call me if you have any news."

Freedom, Thy Name Is Confusing

The rain is letting up but thin drops still fall in a constant and gentle lull. Jessica is wet, again, and very moody about it, but Danny's probably out there somewhere and she was sort of a dick. She sighs, she really is trying to do better, not push those around her away… apologizing and all that.

There are so few people left in her life and every day it seems the list gets shorter. As much as he irks her, Danny is part of that list and he did not deserve her words- not even if they were true.

She goes up and down the streets, in between alleyways and gazing into coffee shops. She's a PI, shouldn't be that hard to find one upset and deeply disturbed man-child with a mostly sunny disposition. She takes a turn to the right…

There he is.

She can't see his face, but a couple of blocks away there's a figure in the middle of a park, under the rain, wearing an enormous yellow shirt, who else could it be?

Jessica walks towards the figure until she can see his unruly curls and sullen expression.

Danny is moving slowly, like a dancer of sorts, shifting from side to side with careful and smooth motions.

The PI reaches his side and thinks how ridiculous it is that they're getting wet like this. The blond pays her no attention at all.

"What are you doing?" She asks after a few moments of silently waiting.

"Tai Chi." Danny says after holding his silence a little more. "Helps me calm down."

Jessica nods and lets him make a few more moves.

"So you're just going to sulk in the rain?" She asks dryly.

Danny lets his arms fall to his sides and rolls his eyes.

"Come on. Let's get out of the rain." Her voice is, as always, harsh, but this time its not unkind.

The blond smiles faintly and looks at her for a moment. Together, they walk towards the little kiosk and sit on the stairs under the shadow of the octagonal roof. They say nothing, the sound of far away rumbling and the pitter patter of drops on the leaves and concrete is comforting.

"I… don't deal with people taking advantage of others well," Jess says finally.

Danny doesn't say anything. He holds his bent knees and leans on them as he thinks.

"There was this little kid at Kun Lun," he tells her, finally turning to face her. "she's had a dream of being an Iron Fist herself."

Jessica frowns but doesn't interrupt him. There's a smile on his face as he talks about the child.

"The thing is, Kun Lun's not great on women becoming Iron Fists."

"Of course not." Jess rolls her eyes and the blond chuckles.

"Yeah, but there've been a few." He says with a nod of his head "Wo Ao-Shi, Fongji Wo… anyway." He turns his head from her and looks mournfully at the park.

"Then?" The PI presses when Danny doesn't say anything.

" _Then_ , she came to me one day and asked me to train her." He says with a sigh. "She didn't just ask me, she begged me to. She knew the elders would never let her apply for the training because she was a girl."

Jessica clenched her fist, her mind already jumping into conclusions, but she pressed her lips and waited. This was Danny, ray of sunshine impersonated -with a few anger issues- he couldn't do that to a child. Could he?

"What'd you do?" She asks a bit sharper than intended.

"I told her no." His voice wavers slightly. "At first I… I found it so endearing, I really liked to imagine that she could be the next Iron Fist, but then… I thought of how it was for me. It was… hell sometimes. And maybe it was because I wasn't as strong as I should've been, or because I didn't have the will to be a teacher but…" Danny looks at her and his eyes are slightly glassy.

"You couldn't do it." Jess says.

"I couldn't do it" he repeats. "I looked at Pei, who was already so much more talented than I was when I began training, but she still looked so small. I tried to imagine how it would be for me to take a staff and hit her and-" his voice breaks. "I thought I was being weak, I couldn't tell her the truth of why I wouldn't do it, that I wasn't the Iron Fist she thought of me as."

He hides his head in his arms and knees.

"Hey! You did the right thing Danny." Jessica tells him, her voice harsh. "Hurting a child? It's never going to be the right answer. Don't doubt that, okay?"

"I'm getting there." He mumbles to his legs.

Jess pats his back awkwardly and he chuckles at her response.

She remembers Claire saying those exact same words and has a moment of realization that Danny's been working a long time for him to even mean what he saying.

"So, what did you tell the kid, um… Pei?" She asks as the blond lets a heavy sigh out.

"That she was a girl and she'd never be able to be an Iron Fist no matter how good she was." He scrubs the tears from his eyes "She was so shocked that I'd say that, I'd never given her any reason to think I thought less of her or that I would react like the elders."

"Well fuck you and those old geezers then." Jess mumbles.

"Ha!" Danny laughs "Yeah, that was pretty much her reaction. She kicked my shin and ran away…" the smile leaves his face "crying."

He grabs his curly hair in frustration.

"It's a nightmare…" he turns to her, hair still in his hands "being out here and learning things I had no idea about and… unlearning things. Just-" He sighs, "it's confusing."

"Yeah, well," Jessica make a face. "Welcome to the real world Rand."

There are words of comfort on the tip of her tongue: 'I understand', 'I know how it feels', 'It's not just you,' but she can't seem make them go through her lips.

Danny exhales and the gloom over him dissolves into thin air. He lies on his back and looks at the kiosk's wooden roof.

"I'll get there eventually." He tells her "With Colleen and Claire," he smiles ruefully "I just need time."

Jessica looks down at her hands, the words are burning her now.

"If it's any consolation… you're not the only one who has a hard time with how confusing reality can be." She feels stupid just saying that.

Danny turns to look at her, his head resting on his hands, in his face there' quite curiosity, but he doesn't pry.

"And… it's not just Colleen and Claire." She doesn't look at him "Luke and me… we're here too." Jess finally admits.

Danny smiles at her. It's a sunshine smile, as Luke would say.

Jessica rolls her eyes and pushes his head the other way jokingly.

"You're such a child." She tells him.

Danny laughs and she chuckles as the rain pitter patters on in the soft evening light.

**Author's Note:**

> Abril: Another lyric challenge I did with my good friend Titanbreaker. This story takes place after Jessica Jones season 2, so no Luke or Danny's second season and still a 'dead' Matt.
> 
> So, a few notes on the story I guess. This is a bit of a mix of content of various Iron Fist stories, mainly of course the series.
> 
> The quote about the Iron Fist comes from the comic volume "The Living Weapon: Rage" (which is a very good story in my opinion -aside a few issues it has with it's female characters- beside it's continuation and counterpart "Redemption"), as does Pei, who's a little monk who accidentally becomes the next Iron Fist. Take a guess on who's going to teach her? Also, I do feel the Iron Fist series takes a lot from these arcs, specially Danny mood toward the world.
> 
> The names of the female Iron Fist's are real too, with Fongji Wo actually being Jean Gray because of… reasons. I don't have all the facts, comic logic is confusing.
> 
> I wasn't sure if I should mention Pei in this story because I wanted to use her in another I've got planed but she just fit so nicely for this?
> 
> I also want to clarify, I don't think Kun Lung's people are monsters, but from what was showed to us in season one it looked terribly, terribly cruel.
> 
> Any questions please feel free to ask!


End file.
